Teacher Talk Tuesday: Back to Cool and Not So Cool School

It's that time of year again, the first day of school. Ahhh, the smell of new backpacks, freshly sharpened pencils, and fresh new kicks. It's exciting for both students and teachers.

Sure I am sad as hell that summer has come and gone, but it is nice to have a routine again. I've been a lazy lump of fat all summer and now it's time to get movin' and groovin'. Unfortunately, this does not agree with the swelling in my legs.

I tried to wear shoes but apparently my fat trunks don't fit anymore. So I am still rockin' my flip flops. Can you tell by the dirty tops that I've been wearing them too much? And are you judging me for being disgusting and showing you such a picture? Apologies.

Another enemy of mine is the heat. God help me. 104 degrees of butt ass heat all week. Hormones plus heat equals the death of me. Remind me to not to be pregnant during the hottest months of the year. Thank God for making these little tiny fans. I am so in love with this thing because it keeps me so comfy! And might I say yellow keeps a fellow happy at work!

Then there are these ants. Lots and lots of ants. My classroom is literally built on an ant mountain, freakin' The Andes of the ant colony I'm sure. All the classrooms in my building are infested. This is not pleasant. I especially love when they are crawling on my face while I'm trying to teach a lesson on the importance of being a responsible student. Luckily, I don't feel that bad for killing all of them and even wishing heartache to their little ant families at home.

As for my students, they are what we call Sweet and Lows. I teach the remedial math and reading class for the language learners so it was expected, but this year will definitely be a challenge. Nevertheless, they are darlings and nothing I can't handle. I showed em' who's boss.

And if all else fails, I'll just rub my belly and turn my pregnancy hormones up a notch or two and let them feel the wrath of a pregnant woman. I keed... I would never do that...play up my pain for sympathy....yes, but be a crazy biotch...no.

It's going to be a good year. I can feel it!

Teacher Talk Tuesday: Yoga is Necessary for Survival

Teaching is a stressful job. I would go out on a limb and say it's the most stressful job in the world. However, I've never been, say, a doctor, or a nurse, or a stripper, so I guess you can call me a little biased. I'm sure sliding down a pole and whipping your hair to and fro can be hard on the spinal cord.

Let me just give you a taste of some of the most stressful times that has happened during my 7 year teaching career...that qualifies as a legit time frame, by the way.

1. Once while I was teaching first grade, a student broke his fall by hitting his desk.....with his mouth. Imagine if you will, a 6 year old with blood gushing out of his mouth because his teeth were rammed into his gums. Too graphic for ya? Yeah, me too. Did I mention that was during my first year of teaching?

2. First grader throws up all over the carpet. That's not the start of a joke. This happens at least once a year and if you're lucky five times!

3. High Schoolers...'nuff said.

4. Learning the hard truth about your students. I had a student who was neglected at home, one who was slapped and beaten, one who was left to their own devices, one who was arrested for drug possession and grand theft auto, and one who slept on the floor of a garage with their brothers and sisters. I take these stories home with me and worry myself to sleep.

5. Oh, and I have to create and teach lessons, prepare students for state tests, get all my students proficient in all subjects, deal with backlash from parents, administrators, and the public, and make sure no child is left behind.

Holy. Crap.

Can you see why I need Yoga in my life? More importantly, I think the KIDS really need yoga. They go through some SHIZ!

Here are some of my favorite stress relieving poses:
1. Child's pose- Once that forehead hits the mat, shit gets real. Real good.


.via.

2. Happy Baby pose- This one makes me feel all kinds of open and vulnerable. I feel unsexy in this pose because I'm pretty much spread eagle. But I feel happy, and that's all that matters.

.via.

3. Pigeon pose- My yoga instructor says you hold all of your stress in your hips. This pose will rip that right out of you. Hips, don't, lie. Right Shakira?

.via.

4. Airplane pose- Nothing clears your mind like thinking you're going to face plant. You're so busy concentrating on not falling, that the stresses of your life takes a back seat.

.via.

5. Savasana- They should just call this pose "Go to sleep now." It's minutes of just lying there, clearing your mind, and relaxing every particle of your being. If memory serves me right, I'm pretty sure that's called sleeping, but TomAto, Tomato.

.via.

This is exactly what I look like, tongue out and all. 
In all seriousness, school is a stressful environment for all parties involved. Yoga is just something to ease the blow of all the craziness that ensues. Yoga keeps me sane for a few hours a week. Take a chance and try it out. Namaste, my friends.

Those Crazy Kids

This weekend I was lucky enough to spend time with this face.

We celebrated my nephew Sebby's 4th birthday. My my how time flies. It was only yesterday that I was pinching these little chipmunk cheeks.

(It looks like hubby doesn't have fingers, but I assure you he does have all 10.)

Now, this growing cherub can talk in complete sentences, count higher than some of my first graders ever could, and has my dad's iPhone password memorized so he can access the camera and take a gratuitous amount of pictures of our feet and nose hairs. Next thing you know he'll be graduating from college and becoming President of the United States. ::le sigh::

For his birthday, I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to dip these balls in chocolate. So difficult! Any tips on how to get them to stop falling off the damn stick would be greatly appreciated.



Since his birthday was pirate themed, I attempted these guys. They kinda sorta look like pirates, right?

After we scarfed down cake and chocolate balls, Sebby hired me as his personal Nerf Gun reloader. His muscles are too weak to reload the Nerf gun, so I spent a good hour doing it for him... and then doing it again and again and again. I cherish these moments because one day, he will be a teenager who will not need my help on little things like this. ::double le sigh::

On a different note, wouldn't that be nice if the biggest problem in your day was having to reload darts back into your Nerf Gun? I will trade that in for getting up at 5:30 for work ANYDAY!

Last week, I let my students write their 2012 resolutions. They are definitely living the simple life. I am jelly. I want to stress about these kinds of things instead of adult things like making sure to scrub the tub once a week. I can never remember.

I let them choose their own fonts. This kid felt a little Ol' School. He's kickin' it Gothic Style.

Instead of running a 10K, I will be changing it to "Eating Hot Cheetos ZERO times a year, instead of once a year." Those things are deadly. Not just for your tummy, but for the skin of your fingertips and everything around you that is white.

Oh, those Crazy Crazy Kids.

Teacher Talk Tuesday: The Job Slump

Remember last year, when I thought I was going to die?

I was so painfully unhappy with my job that I dug myself into the deepest hole and became depressed. Luckily, there was a kitchen and Blogworld down there. 

Guys, I don't know how my poor husband survived last year because I ripped his head off almost everyday. I came home crying almost everyday and wanted to quit right then and there. I let 18 immature boys ruin not only my work life, but my personal life as well. WHY, Joanna?

Thanks, Poster, but it was really quite difficult. Besides the fact that I'm overdramatic, I'm also obsessive and a perfectionist. God broke the mold when he made me, huh? (I never thought I'd use that phrase) Put those all together and what do you get? A teacher who wanted to be liked by her students, do well on her test scores, and go home on time each day feeling like a million bucks. Pshh... yeah...right.

So, I survived it right? Barely. Time passed ever so slowly and I'm here with a fun story to tell. Here's my advice to those who are in a lemon patch right now. Eff making lemonade, you gotta take life by the horns and make something more satisfying than that.

1. Breathe and know that it's not personal. 

If you're like me, you might get paranoid that people hate you ALL the time. Please say it's not just me. A co-worker doesn't say good morning? I shift into "Uh oh. What's the last thing I said to her? Did I call her fat on accident? Is she mad at me? Oh crap, was I supposed to call her or something?"

A client, or in my case, 18 teenagers act like total monkies and throw shit at you all day at work? I start thinking "What can I do do change myself so that they would like me and respect me?" 

Honey, the world isn't about you sometimes and you really have to say "It's not me, it's YOU." Instead of thinking how I can change myself, I think about how I can change my way of thinking. Maybe your co-worker had a bad morning, didn't see you, or has to pee really really badly or maybe those clients are really just A-holes. In the equation of A-hole clients and you, you are the only one stressing. Stop.

2. Vent to the right people.

If you don't do this, you'll end up being angry and hurt. I vented to anyone and everyone who would listen, and sometimes those who just had ears. Thanks, Sonic. I told a lot of non-teachers and I would get the "Did you call their parents?" "You should try giving them a book they're interested in." "You should talk to my friend, she's a teacher." These people all mean well and I appreciate them trying to help, but REALLY? Sometimes people don't understand what your job entails and what you are truly going through. They want to help in their own way, but that way isn't going to sound helpful to you if you're already depressed and angry . Talk to someone you know will understand.



My teacher friends



3. Find a really good hobby.

This is pretty straightforward. Do something that will make you happy. I found plenty.

Running

Reading



Cooking funny looking Chicken Butts

Eating

and eating...

and eating.

Ok, that could be very dangerous, but for me it was my ultimate comfort. I did balance it with running so that made it ok.

4. Know that everything will be ok.

I'm living proof. Hated my job last year and now I am living the teacher dream. I have a wonderful class, an awesome principal who just lets me do my job, and very helpful co-workers. God handed me a challenge last year but I kept with it and now, he's showing me that life is good.

via

5. Lastly, don't kill anyone.

My hubby was so patient with me. He felt the wrath of my depression and anger and held me lovingly as I sobbed and wiped snot boogers all over him. I took out my anger on him and if he left me or if I killed him during one of my Mr. Hulk episodes, I would've lost the only person on earth who could put up with my crap. Thank God I made him good food or else I would've been crying to Sonic and he is no good at listening. Thank you, Hubby.

photobooth fun

• Do you have any advice to someone who hates their job?
• How do you get through a rough patch?

Teacher Talk Tuesday: Gift Ideas for Students

My favorite time of the year is coming up fast.... Christmas vacation! In just 3 days, hundred of frazzled and burnt out teachers will be enjoying 2-3 weeks off. Yes, I know it is annoying to hear this if you are not a teacher and I apologize for the bragging, but I AM WORKED to the bone. I am ready.

Besides that joyous occasion, there is another event that I am very fond of and that is gift giving. I love rewarding my students for all of the hard work they have been doing and giving them a little Christmas present. Most students don't expect it and it's fun to watch their surprised faces when they see a gift waiting for them at their seat. This year is no exception. This is quite possibly one of the best classes I've ever had so I wanted to reward them with something fun.

Instead of having a regular hum drum party with chips and cupcakes, I decided to give them some options, and since this class is in the morning, I gave them breakfast options. By unanimous decision, a Smoothie Party was in order. I dig it. So, I bought myself an early Christmas present...which in turn is a gift for my students as well. Double Whammy!

In addition to providing all the smoothie fix-ins, I found some great cups for them to keep! I plan on writing their names on it. I know they'll love it!

I plan on taking off the lids and adding these cute straws I found!

Add a candy cane, wrap it all in some cellophane and you got yourselves a winner! I'll post the finished product asap!

Here are some other super cute ideas!

How about some Grinch Pills

Or some Snowman Poop

Jazzing up a chocolate bar looks easy!

These are just too adorable!

In years passed, I've also given little goodie bags with Christmas candies and other little trinkets which the kids enjoy. When I worked in high school, I brought cookies for them to decorate and believe it or not, they liked it a lot! Just giving anyone Christmas treats is enough to turn them into a giddy 3 year old. I love it!

My Blogiversary

One year ago I started this crazy little blog thing. I kept it private for about a month before I let the little beast run wild and free on the internets. At first, some of my family and friends questioned why I would even want to do such a thing. And in good mommy fashion, my mom was worried that someone would cook my recipes, stalk me, and find me to cut me up into pieces...or something like that. Regardless, I kept on going, starting Project Wifey Wife, continuing my Zelda quest for my "princess" named Healthy McHealthiness, and joining the fun of Bloggerworld.

Check it out!

I never revealed this, but I wanted to blog because my life was a little topsy turvy with being a newlywed, struggling with my job, and considering a career change. These changes were enough for me to throw up my arms and say "CURSES!" or something else that started with an F. This blog became my comfort. I've always been a journal person, heck, I even had a diary in 1st grade (which I forgot the combination to and haven't been able to open since 4th grade). I had a Xanga in college and continued to keep a handwritten one near my bed. Writing is a friend of mine, for sure.


My first header

This blog is my pride and joy. Even with the horrible spelling mistakes and grammar fumbles, (Did I mention I'm a teacher... I... is... so ...smarte!) and the time I let pass between each post (don't look down at the last time) I thank you, reader, for reading about my life and leaving sweet comments. To my friends and family, who now give me so much encouragement, Thank you. And of course, To The Man, The Mister, the Hubby Hub to my Wifey Wife, Thank you for always encouraging me to blog...AND you're welcome for all the food.

Here's to another year....


To celebrate I will cook my first Project Wifey Wife meal:
Boeuf Bourguignon

And just like the first time, I will forget to post the recipe.....maybe.

Teacher Talk Tuesday: Parent Conferences

This year, 3 out of my 20 parents came to conferences.

Last year, 8 out of 31.

The year before that, I had a woman show me some boob.
Let me explain so you can wipe that silly surprised look off of your face.

Imagine the mom, her baby, the translator, and I, all at a smallish round table. We're chattin' it up about her little first grader. She is holding her chunky one year old (and I say that endearingly) in her arms. Her baby is happy as a clam and suddenly... BAM, mom whips out her nip and starts breastfeeding without so much of a hesitation, let alone warning.

To make this situation that much more confusing and surprising for me, I love how the translator felt the need to say:  Oh, she's going to just feed her baby.

Source: thestir.cafemom.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

  
I'm no Dora the Explorer, buuuut, I think I know what she was doing Miss I-need-to-translate-everything.

I don't want to come off as an objector of breastfeeding in public because I really could care less if you decide that you need to feed your baby in the middle of the deodorant aisle at Target (true story). That's their prerogative and a baby's gotta eat when they gotta eat.

But.... is it necessary to do it in front of your child's teacher? I mean, the meeting was only 10 minutes long and the baby wasn't fussing at all. I highly doubt this chubby cherub would've died without eating for 10 minutes. She didn't even bother covering up. It was a show!

Source: None via Jill on Pinterest

This is a bit excessive, you might as well go into a room...or build one around you.

And to make the situation even MORE awkward, because life is just that beautiful, the sounds of baby suckling at her teat drowned out any sound of me informing the mom about her child's lack of reading skills. And never mind the drool that was dripping on the table from hungry hungry caterpillar baby when mom leaned over to sign some papers.

Note to parents: Just don't. I appreciate you feeling so comfortable with me, but just don't.

Teacher Talk Tuesday: Rockin' the Schoolhouse

I've told you time and time again that I HATE math. I'm pretty much the only Asian on this planet who is painfully bad at math. I probably had many disappointed friends in HS who copied off my homework only to discover that I didn't know JACK about prime factorization. (BTW, my 10 year reunion is next month...CRAZY!)

Now that I am teaching math, I find myself reteaching myself how to compare mixed fractions before I lay my head on my pillow each night. I do lots of math, and show my work, and watch lots of YouTube videos on how to explain the divisibility rules. So far, I'm smarter than ever in math and actually enjoy being a student again.... a student to myself... a teacher teaching herself? Totes McGoats!

Today I showed my class my favorite Schoolhouse Rock video! Hopefully I can instill the love of math into my little students so they wont grow up to be like me, hating math, and still counting on my fingers under the blackjack table. (I actually don't do that anymore.)



I still count my 3's times tables like this. It puts the fun in functional! WOW, I need to go to bed!

• Tell me your BEST Math trick or way to remember something!

Teacher Talk Tuesday: Bad Words

I miss first grade....
Student: ::Raises hand in a panic:: TEACHER!!!

Me: Yes?

Student: Marcus said a BAD WORD!

Me: ::thinking uh oh, here it comes:: ::pulls student aside:: What did Marcus say to you, hun?

Student: He said the G WORD!

Me:: G word?

Student: He said ::whispers:: Jesus!

If kids are thinking Jesus is a bad word...we are doomed.

*One of my favorite moments teaching first grade*

Teacher Talk: The First Day of School

Whew! I made it through my first two days of school! I'm trying not to think about the fact that there are 178 days left of school...but who's counting?

I woke up bright and early yesterday and walked into my newly decorated classroom. (SO much better than before!)

I tried to make it not only enjoyable and inviting for them, but for me as well. I'm definitely a sucker for cute wall clothes!

I love my noise tracker! It sounds an alarm and flashes red when my students are not using their "inside voices."

"No Excuses, find solutions!"

And of course there is my little corner...my safe haven. The "Teacher's Desk."

My little bumble bee and my welcome plant. Both make me feel good just being there!

Can't forget my little Eeyore and Bumbles!

The first day went really well! My students are such sweethearts! And even though half of them don't speak a lick of English, most of them still laughed at my jokes. If that day was any indication of how my year is going to go, then it is going to be a GREAT year! I had such a rough bunch last year, I think The Lord really felt I needed a break! I hope I keep getting this:

Me: Does anyone have any questions? Any questions about what we talked about today?

Little Girl: ::Raises hand:: You're pretty!

Me: ::Heart melted, tears loaded, smile activated:: Thank you!

::le sigh::